Okay, so that's not what this post is about, but it IS what I said in a rant to my cat, so I had to put it somewhere.
So things have been a bit crazy here keeping up with life. Been training for my race, making money, traveling, working trying to figure out children things for my teaching gig, fixing things, writing, having a semi-social life, so it's been good!
Tomorrow I have a mystery job. My musician friend told me to come in business attire at some place at some time and I would make extra money. I don't care too much what it is, money. Which is pathetic, but come on, I'm an artist.
Getting a bit screwed over, though, on the artist front. Corporate lady is trying to call all sorts of monetary shots and I have to keep reminding her that, hey, we agreed on all these pricings already.
So she's striking back by making it all happen on HER own schedule, which is ridiculous.
Also, I've gotten three calls to be in professional, hired bands. So that will start making money along with my current band which is also hired out often.
Also have a bit of interest in my novel from a publisher who wants to potentially sponsor part of the novel, which is a bit new. I've sold writings before, but none this extensive. Just having trouble explaining to him that if he sponsors one of my novels he has to sponsor the other because they're happening at the same time which is apparently a hard concept to grasp, but whatever.
Point is, between practicing for band auditions, working my ass off for corporate amounts of art, writing like mad to get a decent chunk of manuscript ready, transcribing music in hopes of making money as an arranger, working odd jobs, coming up with lesson plans, fixing the stuff that's breaking in the house, and biking all over a huge city because I don't have a car but I need art supply estimates... I think I'm ready for a vacation.
6/15/12
Or maybe it's sickness.
Every once in a while I work myself into being sick, just from over-exertion and lack of sleep. And apparently what I thought was mental fatigue was in fact real fatigue and me half-dying. Basically my body goes into a "f**k you, you aren't going to do anything today" state, and I become practically immobilized due to pain and exhaustion and can't even eat anything without rejecting it. So I end up sleeping ridiculous hours.
I was joking when I said I wasn't going to leave my bed today, but apparently karma was like "eff you, stay here if that's what you really want."
I was joking when I said I wasn't going to leave my bed today, but apparently karma was like "eff you, stay here if that's what you really want."
6/14/12
Artists are hermits.
And as such we have serious exhaustion problems when dealing with extended social situations.
I'm just mentally fried, here. What you can't see from your screen is that I initially typed "friend" instead of "fried." Oh, and I did it again. Just proves my point.
At any rate. I've spent the past three days in business meetings with a new big-name client, visiting friends who all decided the time to get back in touch with me was this weekend, meeting up with a lady who wants to hire me to do a week-long art camp with a bunch of 5-10-year-olds, along with a bunch of field trip supervision stuff. Which would all be good and well, but there's this thing where I'm slightly terrified of screwing someone's kid up. Also, I have no idea what I would teach art-wise to small children other than how to potentially start to see simple shapes in every day life.
But apparently some of them are forced into this thing by their parents, and have no real interest in art. So I'm also supposed to teach reluctant kids. Great!
Also I've been out to see like five bands in the past week consisting of my old schoolmates. I'm all socialized out, I want my little isolation back. Which sounds... odd, I will admit, but seriously I'm so tired from constant social stimulus, which makes my already active brain-wheels turn even faster, as I explained before, from thinking about which direction the conversation is moving. All I want to do now is lie in bed. Forever. All day. Or something of the sort.
I just can't get over how mentally exhausting that was.
I'm just mentally fried, here. What you can't see from your screen is that I initially typed "friend" instead of "fried." Oh, and I did it again. Just proves my point.
At any rate. I've spent the past three days in business meetings with a new big-name client, visiting friends who all decided the time to get back in touch with me was this weekend, meeting up with a lady who wants to hire me to do a week-long art camp with a bunch of 5-10-year-olds, along with a bunch of field trip supervision stuff. Which would all be good and well, but there's this thing where I'm slightly terrified of screwing someone's kid up. Also, I have no idea what I would teach art-wise to small children other than how to potentially start to see simple shapes in every day life.
But apparently some of them are forced into this thing by their parents, and have no real interest in art. So I'm also supposed to teach reluctant kids. Great!
Also I've been out to see like five bands in the past week consisting of my old schoolmates. I'm all socialized out, I want my little isolation back. Which sounds... odd, I will admit, but seriously I'm so tired from constant social stimulus, which makes my already active brain-wheels turn even faster, as I explained before, from thinking about which direction the conversation is moving. All I want to do now is lie in bed. Forever. All day. Or something of the sort.
I just can't get over how mentally exhausting that was.
6/10/12
Adventures with Anxiety
Titles has a nice ring to it, eh? Welcome to my world, represented by stick men.
So when I moved into this house, all the other people had already been living here for 6 months to a year, so it was difficult to insert myself into their every day life because I just have panic attacks over anything and everything having to do with social situations.
So, this is my story. I lived like this for about a month before finally settling in, and while it is a bit sad on one hand, on the other you have to admit it's quite humorous.
Also, you'd think an artist could draw straight lines better, eh?
So fun facts of the day that this comic will teach you. I do have a camo blanket. My fridge currently only contains jam, apples, and a bag of bread. Okay, and some milk. We as roommates do, in fact, cover the spectrum of hair colors from black to blonde.
Also I'm slightly mortified that I drew myself in the shower, even if I am only a stick figure.
So when I moved into this house, all the other people had already been living here for 6 months to a year, so it was difficult to insert myself into their every day life because I just have panic attacks over anything and everything having to do with social situations.
So, this is my story. I lived like this for about a month before finally settling in, and while it is a bit sad on one hand, on the other you have to admit it's quite humorous.
Also, you'd think an artist could draw straight lines better, eh?
So fun facts of the day that this comic will teach you. I do have a camo blanket. My fridge currently only contains jam, apples, and a bag of bread. Okay, and some milk. We as roommates do, in fact, cover the spectrum of hair colors from black to blonde.
Also I'm slightly mortified that I drew myself in the shower, even if I am only a stick figure.
Things turning out a bit better than expected.
So I went ahead and had a meeting with the business owner despite my incomplete collection and just brought low-quality prints with me instead of the missing ones (just paper print-offs of stuff off my website) and showed them to her, and she agreed to buy them and just wait. Apparently doesn't need everything until two months from now, so almost enough time for me to go down there and drag my artwork back myself. It will be fine.
Also commissioned me for a lot of work, so I'm pretty set for now. Once more, able to scrape a living at the last minute!
Also commissioned me for a lot of work, so I'm pretty set for now. Once more, able to scrape a living at the last minute!
6/8/12
Just when you think you can make it as an artist...
I do pretty well most of the time. Well, of course, I would like to do better, but all in good time. Get some momentum built up, you know?
So right now, I am standing on the very edge of my second ever BIG corporate project. We're talking every artist's dream job (not permanent job, just... freelance in-passing job). We're talking thousands of dollars. I got one of these oh, maybe 6 or 7 months ago that shelled out a few K, but of course that's long gone and I've been living off of normal commissions.
Now I'm on the brink of another one, and all they want to see are... my originals. Alright, good. But then, they also want certain originals to buy. And they're off in Florida because my mother thought she could market them better than me. Well, I've been continually bothering her to get them back for a YEAR now, and she hasn't done a thing.
And this buyer wants $1300 dollars worth of my drawings. They just want to look over them and make sure they all match in person the way they do on the web. Well of course they do, they match better, so the sale is pretty much for sure and let's face it, for someone living hand-to-mouth, $1300 is an unspeakable amount of good money. Plus they want personal commissions done. A lot of them. Lots and lots of funds for the artist.
If the artist's mother wouldn't be reaching into the artist's twenties and still throttling the life out of the artist.
And here I will now look up to the heavens and beg for some slack.
So right now, I am standing on the very edge of my second ever BIG corporate project. We're talking every artist's dream job (not permanent job, just... freelance in-passing job). We're talking thousands of dollars. I got one of these oh, maybe 6 or 7 months ago that shelled out a few K, but of course that's long gone and I've been living off of normal commissions.
Now I'm on the brink of another one, and all they want to see are... my originals. Alright, good. But then, they also want certain originals to buy. And they're off in Florida because my mother thought she could market them better than me. Well, I've been continually bothering her to get them back for a YEAR now, and she hasn't done a thing.
And this buyer wants $1300 dollars worth of my drawings. They just want to look over them and make sure they all match in person the way they do on the web. Well of course they do, they match better, so the sale is pretty much for sure and let's face it, for someone living hand-to-mouth, $1300 is an unspeakable amount of good money. Plus they want personal commissions done. A lot of them. Lots and lots of funds for the artist.
If the artist's mother wouldn't be reaching into the artist's twenties and still throttling the life out of the artist.
And here I will now look up to the heavens and beg for some slack.
6/6/12
This brain is a bit different
I think you'll find that a lot of full-time, life artists are the oddest group of people you will ever find. You'll find the odd one that's "normal" (and by that I mean pretty much socially acceptable/good family connections/healthy friendships/steady work) but for the most part I think we're a bit crazy.
As a full-time freelancer, I have the unique privilege of having a lot of thinking time. A lot of thinking time. And as an artist, I fully utilize it. Yesterday I went to a park and sat there with a book of blank paper and a pen and was doing some reflection and brainstorming for my pieces. And then I started observing people, casually, in my few breaks from thinking hard.
I've come to realize that there's a wall between me and normal interaction. When I talk to people, I tend to stare them down intently. Partly because I'm deaf in one ear, and thus rely on facial expressions and lips, and partly because I string everything a person says together into a very in-depth chronological story. I listen to everything someone says to me, and usually end up analyzing it way beyond what it was meant to be. As an active listener, I learn more about speech patterns and the way people's mind works.
This also convinces people that I am a very attentive friend and a good listener.
Yes and no. Mostly what I'm doing is learning. I'm analyzing and piecing things together. I'm also determining whether or not the conversation can at any moment go hostile so I can book it out of there at a million miles a second. I'm a good listener in that I do listen to every single word said, but not in that I'm listening and sympathizing.
People find out quickly that I have a hard time not crossing the line of being supportive/helping to find solutions and right out contradicting their actions. It's not because I mean them harm, it's because I'm very analytical... also I have no freaking clue where that line is. I've tried to find it multiple times, it's hiding from me.
Now, also, I find I get bored with conversation very quickly. 99% of people are passive listeners. Which is probably a good thing. They listen and wait patiently for the story to unfold and take time afterward to think.
Active listeners are having their brain wheels turning faster than the speaker can talk. When someone tells me a story, I've figured out a couple possible directions it goes in and by the time they've said what they were going to say, I've known the ending for ages. And then I get bored and anxious and a little bit annoyed as the story drags on.
Makes me a bit of a bad friend, I reckon.
I also hate when people take 10 minutes to explain every little obvious thing in their brain when their feelings could be expressed in 30 seconds. Makes me very antsy, which people pick up on.
Like I said, there's a bit of a wall there.
So yesterday when I was observing people walking around and talking, I thought about the differences in how they were acting and how I was acting and have come to the conclusion that because language has been severely damaged in my life (my "silent years," being abused into non-communication) and has thus come out as a means of making a living (writing), I made my brain into what it is. And I wouldn't change it.
It gives me better insight, and I think I learn more in silent staring than people do in elaborate discussion. So that's that.
As a full-time freelancer, I have the unique privilege of having a lot of thinking time. A lot of thinking time. And as an artist, I fully utilize it. Yesterday I went to a park and sat there with a book of blank paper and a pen and was doing some reflection and brainstorming for my pieces. And then I started observing people, casually, in my few breaks from thinking hard.
I've come to realize that there's a wall between me and normal interaction. When I talk to people, I tend to stare them down intently. Partly because I'm deaf in one ear, and thus rely on facial expressions and lips, and partly because I string everything a person says together into a very in-depth chronological story. I listen to everything someone says to me, and usually end up analyzing it way beyond what it was meant to be. As an active listener, I learn more about speech patterns and the way people's mind works.
This also convinces people that I am a very attentive friend and a good listener.
Yes and no. Mostly what I'm doing is learning. I'm analyzing and piecing things together. I'm also determining whether or not the conversation can at any moment go hostile so I can book it out of there at a million miles a second. I'm a good listener in that I do listen to every single word said, but not in that I'm listening and sympathizing.
People find out quickly that I have a hard time not crossing the line of being supportive/helping to find solutions and right out contradicting their actions. It's not because I mean them harm, it's because I'm very analytical... also I have no freaking clue where that line is. I've tried to find it multiple times, it's hiding from me.
Now, also, I find I get bored with conversation very quickly. 99% of people are passive listeners. Which is probably a good thing. They listen and wait patiently for the story to unfold and take time afterward to think.
Active listeners are having their brain wheels turning faster than the speaker can talk. When someone tells me a story, I've figured out a couple possible directions it goes in and by the time they've said what they were going to say, I've known the ending for ages. And then I get bored and anxious and a little bit annoyed as the story drags on.
Makes me a bit of a bad friend, I reckon.
I also hate when people take 10 minutes to explain every little obvious thing in their brain when their feelings could be expressed in 30 seconds. Makes me very antsy, which people pick up on.
Like I said, there's a bit of a wall there.
So yesterday when I was observing people walking around and talking, I thought about the differences in how they were acting and how I was acting and have come to the conclusion that because language has been severely damaged in my life (my "silent years," being abused into non-communication) and has thus come out as a means of making a living (writing), I made my brain into what it is. And I wouldn't change it.
It gives me better insight, and I think I learn more in silent staring than people do in elaborate discussion. So that's that.
6/4/12
First I panicked, then...
So yesterday as I was going to bed I realized I hadn't posted in the blog. And I freaked out for whatever reason thinking that I'd let everything down because I had missed a day. Then I realized no one reads this freaking thing so why am I panicking?! It's just an outlet for my brain... it's for myself. And wanderers of the interwebs.
That's what I get for having obsessive tendencies.
Band practice happens in a bit here. Then I don't know what else is going to happen with my day. Just started a big art sale for the week, hoping to get flooded with commissions to make up for my awful financial streak. Plus there's about 8 million things I want to pay for here.
Started watching Doctor Who. That's an interesting thing to watch. Problem is, I've been watching Doctor Who, Sherlock (the new series), Game of Thrones, sometimes Fawlty Towers... the little voice in my head (the one that deems things stupid or not) has become English. Not okay.
That's what I get for having obsessive tendencies.
Band practice happens in a bit here. Then I don't know what else is going to happen with my day. Just started a big art sale for the week, hoping to get flooded with commissions to make up for my awful financial streak. Plus there's about 8 million things I want to pay for here.
Started watching Doctor Who. That's an interesting thing to watch. Problem is, I've been watching Doctor Who, Sherlock (the new series), Game of Thrones, sometimes Fawlty Towers... the little voice in my head (the one that deems things stupid or not) has become English. Not okay.
6/2/12
A social day for the artist.
Yeah. See, I don't do a lot of social stuff, mostly because I work behind locked doors all the time. And you wonder why my posts start to get a bit moody.
My activities, mainly, consist of locking myself away and writing, sitting in the kitchen for a meal and writing, sitting at a table in the basement and drawing (demanding that no one disturbs), locking myself in the basement and practicing drums, one-on-one student teaching, running for hours on end when I can, lying down and throwing a ball at the ceiling, and training for martial arts with my one martial arts student, that I only have because he asked me to teach him and who am I to turn down money.
It isn't that I don't enjoy being social, I just have stuff to get done. When I was in music school, I was either working on my computer (with headphones on) to study the music I was working on, or I was in a little practice room playing drums. In between then I would hang out with my classmates as we drank untold amounts of coffee and acted like 5-year-olds just because we were so deliriously tired.
But today is a rare day when I end up filling my day with things that involve other people. The odd day I socialize in the evenings, but today is great.
I'm going off to the gym with a couple of friends and I'm going to treadmill train with company. I hear talking and running is good for your lungs. Then I'm going to spend some time with an old classmate of mine that I haven't seen in nearly 6 months. Then, with a group of friends, off to watch a band consisting of my former classmates, just for a fun evening.
Should be good. Might break me out of the antisocial shell I've made over this past week.
My activities, mainly, consist of locking myself away and writing, sitting in the kitchen for a meal and writing, sitting at a table in the basement and drawing (demanding that no one disturbs), locking myself in the basement and practicing drums, one-on-one student teaching, running for hours on end when I can, lying down and throwing a ball at the ceiling, and training for martial arts with my one martial arts student, that I only have because he asked me to teach him and who am I to turn down money.
It isn't that I don't enjoy being social, I just have stuff to get done. When I was in music school, I was either working on my computer (with headphones on) to study the music I was working on, or I was in a little practice room playing drums. In between then I would hang out with my classmates as we drank untold amounts of coffee and acted like 5-year-olds just because we were so deliriously tired.
But today is a rare day when I end up filling my day with things that involve other people. The odd day I socialize in the evenings, but today is great.
I'm going off to the gym with a couple of friends and I'm going to treadmill train with company. I hear talking and running is good for your lungs. Then I'm going to spend some time with an old classmate of mine that I haven't seen in nearly 6 months. Then, with a group of friends, off to watch a band consisting of my former classmates, just for a fun evening.
Should be good. Might break me out of the antisocial shell I've made over this past week.
6/1/12
Have you SEEN this?!
I think I'm going to race in this. Make a road trip of it. How much FUN would this be? And it's only a 5k! And the one I'm thinking of doing is in Texas, so it's plenty long to obstacle course train. Especially seeing as I'll be running a race half that distance in August.
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