There are five huge reasons why half the people in my life don't even know I'm a writer, because I don't talk about my novel. When it was just a baby concept, YEARS ago, I told my best friend about it and showed her my first draft. Well, my first draft was only about 5000 words long and written by, and like, a 13yo girl. That's right, this novel has been an idea for over 10 years. She loved it and became obsessed with my characters, drawing them in her spare time, asking questions about them, fantasizing about one of my male characters... it freaked me right the hell out. Especially seeing as I've always disliked anime, generally, and all of her renditions of my characters were anime-style. Really really bad anime-style.
So I kinda played around with those characters and ideas for a few years. The storyline developed into something massive, but before it could properly expand it got shelved for a few years. I only came back to it the summer before University, and by then my writing level had matured x1 000 000, so I had to rip it apart and put the pieces back together, better. It developed into two separate concepts and thus two separate novels.
So if it's been that big of a thing for that long, why not talk about it? I mean obviously there's a LOT to talk about, two large novels' worth. Like I said, there are five huge reasons why I never talk to anyone about the novel, unless they're critiquing it or editing it, or have already gotten the rundown on the novel by continual pestering about what I write about (ahem... Laura...). And here they are!
1. It's dark.
The whole concept of the novel is dark and disturbing. It's a psychological thriller, and deals with pretty heavy human emotions that I sometimes feel exhausted writing about. If I really go into detail about anything in the novels, especially the first (the second is a lot easier to warp into a not-so-dark-sounding storyline), people will look at me weird and judge me and I would just rather they read it and get lost in the storyline and forget that I wrote it until the end when everything comes to its conclusion... it will save a lot of awkward questions/looks.
2. I'm afraid they'll actually take an interest in it.
Like I mentioned before, I had a friend who took a huge interest in the first draft of the story and it freaked me right out. She always wanted to know more about the characters and fell in love with them. Well, cool, but... it freaked me out! I would much rather people love the published version... from a distance. On a less intense scale, I don't want people casually asking about what I've written and taking an interest in the developing storyline before the novel is complete, because I might change my mind about it. I don't want it to take over conversations with people. People find literature, especially that which was created by their peers, fascinating. Again, I would just rather people read the finished product.
3. I hate when authors obsess about their books.
I'm in a phase of doing a bunch of character sketches for authors, and I can't stand listening to them all go on about their novels. That being said, 90% of them are first-time novelists and thus have a new outlook on writing and haven't done proper research. My point is, their storylines are like what my storylines were like when I was 13 and a new writer, and the immaturity hurts a bit. And that might sound pretentious, but it happens every day and I have to listen to "how their book is going to change the world." They all act like they are far superior to even the most famous published writers (one of them was writing fantasy and called Tolkein crap. WHAT. Another said Dan Brown "got nothing on" him). It's disturbing and annoying and makes me want to cry about the downfall of proper literature. I really really hope these pretentious writers are not a new thing... anyways. Point is, I hate when people go on for a length about their books about 90% of the time (the other 10% the authors are actually published and actually know what they're doing, and I LOVE sitting down to talk about writing with them and to hear their ideas... but they're like me. They don't want to disclose their storylines). I hate when it becomes their obsession and they throw it in my face, and I will do ANYTHING, including restraining my artistic tendencies, to not be like that.
4. I'm afraid my ideas will be judged.
Simple enough. I'm afraid someone will not like the ideas in my book and mock them. I hate having to justify my thoughts and ideas, and the thought of someone hating something so personal as these novels, which have been with me for years, hurts me on the inside. If it was actually mocked, I would probably cry. For days. I love my books, and I love their characters dearly and if even one person bashes them when they're published I will probably die. Which is bad, because I have to be ready for the critics. I will find a way to man up before then...
5. The genre I write is too hard to explain in an appropriate time frame.
I'm a fantasy author. I write fantasy. There are weird unearthly creatures, they are not in the same world as us, they have very different politics, different religions, different ways of doing things. Their world situation is completely different than ours and, of course, you can't have fantasy without some form of magic. This means, that to explain ANY part of the book, I have to explain the ENTIRE BASIS of my novels' world. I have to explain where the forces are coming from and why, I have to explain the reason for conflict, and if I explain that I have to explain WHY humans are kicking up a strangely racist fit about someone living in someone else's country, which is a whole other backstory on its own... which you get in good, proper, spaced-out pieces in the novel like a sane story. In real life, it's a head-spinning infodump that people will become confused about. I don't want to do that. See reason #3. Also, it would take HOURS. I only told Laura about it because she pestered me long enough, and I was visiting her at her very boring job that she had three hours left to kill at, and she promised to not judge me.
So that's why it's a secret. I'm terrified of when this thing actually gets published and I actually have to show my family/let them read it. I have to warn them ahead of time of the psychological aspects of it and promise them that I am not, in fact, a disturbed sociopath that enjoys making others suffer. I have to come up with a good excuse for the darkness in the book... probably just that I really like thrillers, both books and movies. I have no idea. Suggestions are welcome... even though you jerks never leave comments =P
Except for one Anonymous person who keeps randomly popping up in weird posts...
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