Click!
And an explanation of "get your cliches sorted out. The biggest problem you have is using modern dialogue. People from that age should not talk like that."
And I hate cliche lists. I glance down some from time to time to make sure I'm avoiding the big ones, but seriously? That's the one you pick? If I wrote dialogue like those people used to talk in half the fantasy novels are written it, you wouldn't understand f**** all of it, because Old English is very, very, VERY not like Shakespeare where you can get the gist of it if you don't read Old English. Real, common-tongue Old English is hard enough to read from 100 years ago, never mind 400. I have an 80yo book written in what was considered to be Old Tongue and it took me forever to work it through. It is IMPOSSIBLE to write like that.
I used to do this thing where I would take critiques of stories that people sent me and post them up on the internet for education purposes. I am about to do that now with this stupid-as-all-hell list. So brace yourselves.
Some of these are pretty legit. Others suck some major nad. Also, I didn't post the whole list because it's HUGE.
PLOTS
Little people come from a country resembling England to defeat the evil wizard/king/complete the quest/save the world/etc.
When has this EVER been done other than LotR?!
Hero has a wise old teacher who turns out the be his grandfather or mother.
This is pretty legitimate. I hate that.
Hero falls in love with someone he knows he can’t have, but gets her in the end anyway.
Well, everyone roots for the underdog. I just would REALLY not force it. Eragon forced it hardcore and it was like being beat over the head with a "are you stupid yet?" stick. However, Goodkind did it freakin' AWESOMELY.
The quest is for a jewel/sword/ring/box or other artifact that can destroy/save the world.
So what else would you suggest? If the quest is for an object, so be it, quest stories are all about the adventure anyways. Who cares what they're after, all anyone cares about is the journey and the epic fight scenes in between.
Retelling of Arthurian legends or the Robin Hood story.
If you do this, do it WELL and keep the character names so everyone knows you're using a different story basis. I like a lot of re-tellings and
A rag-tag band of adventurers who don’t get along have to team up to save the world and along the way discover that they really do like each other.
Adds to the adventure if you ask me. If people can overcome challenges with people they hate, why not? And overcoming that is a good plot point as well. Unless it's magical healmostfelloffacliffandthentheguysavedhimandtheywerebestfriendsforlife, I honestly don't see a problem with it.
Untrained/untried novice goes up against a battle-hardened veteran and wins.
Okay. I'm going to get confusing here. First of all, the way writers tell this story, this point is totally accurate. I HATE how authors and new writers do this crap in its fantastical view of glory-bound sword swinging. That's not how this shit works. HOWEVER, I took swordfighting lessons for 7 years and I know firsthand that newbie sword people are almost as hard to fight as the pros. Why? Because they flail around senselessly and you have NO IDEA how to react to the random crap they throw at you. However, this is not how they are portrayed in the books, and so I give this point a thumbs-up.
Modern human, usually an American, gets pulled into a fantasy world, usually a pseudo-medieval one, and manages to save the day without dying of disease or ignorance.
I've never read one of these guys but it sounds interesting... however, as far as disease goes, if they keep shoes on and stay away from meat they should be fine. The reason why those times were so awful with disease is because they didn't know how to deal with it and half of them were barefoot in the mud and getting cut on rusty things and not cleaning the wounds. As far as ignorance, as long as they have a guide it should be fine. That society had a lot of crazies, so out-of-place things wouldn't draw much attention. However the STUPID LANGUAGE BARRIER WOULD. Screw you critic!!!
Virtual reality used to create a game environment that becomes real, trapping the players in that created world.
This is legit. Eff those stories.
The people the hero thinks are his parents really aren’t–he’s actually the son of a king/wizard/famous warrior.
Yeah F*** that. The only thing worse than that is "lol jk I'm not dead, back alive now!!"
Villain is hero’s father.
Legit too. I hate that. So hardcore. I'm talking to YOU, Paolini! King of ALL the cliches...
Twins separated at birth meet accidentally and fulfill a destiny.
That sounds awful. While I've never read one of these, it sounds like a very bad story.
One twin is good the other is evil.
Given the right circumstances with a bit of an exasperated undertone, this could work. It would have to be done very, VERY well. However, anytime else, stay the heck away,
Hero goes to dwarves to get magical gifts.
I don't understand.
Hero falls in love with heroine at first sight.
Well in a romantic setting isn't that the heartstring puller? Terry Goodkind did this VERY well in his Sword of Truth series. Sometimes it's lame, but only if that's the main focus of the relationship and overdone. What I really want to say is "do not EVER say the words "love at first sight." You can do, but DO NOT SAY."
Hero becomes ruler of the land and all is good and peaceful, even though he spent his formative years as a swineherd.
In history, this did happen. In distant history, but in history nonetheless. The other thing is that the readers are going to love the underdog story and love that they turned out to be good with their newfound power. Because who is more sympathetic to the oppressed than those that HAVE been oppressed? Again, it may be done often, but that's because it's a good direction to head in. Just find an interesting and realistic angle on it and boom, go for it. At the level of teenage fiction, Tamora Pierce did this character development very well in her stories.
Woman is raped, becomes and adventurer to avenge herself. Child sees family killed, becomes adventurer to revenge him/herself. Revenge as a motivator.
Revenge is a POWERFUL thing. Get over it. Take revenge out as a motivator and you have quite a bit less to work with if you're pitting someone against another person. You want the MC to beat the crap out of the Antagonist just 'cause? Or should they have a real reason to? You tell me.
CHARACTERS:
Evil guy wants to take over the world just because he is evil.
Yeah. At lease give him some MOTIVE to be evil. Find a reason why he likes screwing shit up.
Heroes who are utterly selfless and only think of the Greater Good.
Yes. Skip the Jesus character. Your character will relate to people a lot better if they have some sort of fault.
Evil rulers/wizards in general.
This is crap. How the hell are people supposed to set up a powerful antagonist if evil is ruled right out? If there's not an element of evil at LEAST, there's no reason for the protagonist to go ape shit on this guy.
Girls who disguise themselves as boys in order to adventure.
News flash... women were not allowed to do ANYTHING back then. Nothing. Unless you SPECIFICALLY set up a criteria where there was an ESTABLISHED set of rules allowing women to do stuff, then do whatever. However, to be historically accurate, they HAD TO if they wanted to do ANYTHING. You complain about shying away from historical accuracy and then bitch when people stick to it. You, sir, SUCK AT THIS.
Spunky/feisty/spirited heroines.
Lots of people LOVE a good, strong female character. And strong in the fantasy world means all of these things. You're saying women aren't allowed to be spirited just because it's been done before? That's retarded and rules out SO MANY areas of literature.
Handsome/rugged/dashing heroes.
Again, what's with the ruling out of this crap? Yes, it's been done before, but it ALSO makes the character more appealing to general audiences.
The wise old wizard/hag/witch/herbalist/shaman/healer/etc.
As a main character or primary aide to the main character, legitimate. As a secondary character, completely stupid. Why would you, AGAIN, take such a big chunk out of Fantasy?
Hero saves the world to win the heart of a woman.
When a man wants a girl, a man wants a girl. I think, while this can EASILY be done horrifically, it can also be done very well with the right tone.
Hero is identified as the one true heir by a birthmark/ring/sword/other artifact.
Yeah that's stupid, I'll agree with you there. It's like "oh, look, I'm even MORE awesome than you thought I was, SURPRISE!"
A loyal servant who knows the true heir’s identity lives with him/her as a guardian/protector/teacher/etc
*cough* Paolini *cough*
Priests who go adventuring.
Hey, why not? They spend their whole lives cooped up, human nature is very curious and they make for good challenges.
Hero is too humble for his own good.
Yeah screw that.
Novice hero is too competent and/or never makes a mistake.
MCs can never be TOO perfect. It makes the story flat and boring and makes your character be all like "LOOK AT ME AND HOW AWESOME I AM! HEY! DON'T YOU THINK I'M AWESOME?!"
Hero and heroine have constant sex and she never gets pregnant.
Unless a reason is given, this is pretty legit.
Evil men who are pedophiles/homosexuals/male chauvinists or any combination of the above for no other reason than to make them more distasteful.
Why else would they have some of those characteristics? Excluding being homosex, because ain't nothing wrong with that (oh hell I just said that... all...) but give me another reason for being a pedo?
Evil = ugly, stupid and mean while Good = beautiful/handsome, wise and kind.
wise, smart, and nice people generally aren't evil... so... I don't see how you can apply those characteristics to evil people... so... yeah. I agree with the physical attributes part, but other than that it kinda makes sense.
Mages who use their powers indiscriminately and to ridiculous excess.
Yeah, calm your shit.
Mages who are also master swordsmen.
Well, that's actually pretty badass... as long as they aren't swordsmen because of magic. Literally the ONLY way I ever saw magical sword powers done well was through Goodkind.
SETTINGS/WORLD ELEMENTS:
Doomsday weapons.
... not really a cliche, more of just... a thing...
Totally good/evil races.
Yeah that's never done well.
Someone has a cute pet.
Why are you wiping this off the map? Nothing wrong with cute sometimes. Chicks dig it.
Lots of apostrophes in fantasy languages without good linguistic reasons.
Agreed. It doesn't make you look awesome, it makes you sound like you have a stutter.
Fantasy names beginning with X, Z, G, K, or any other hard consonant.
So Kyle, Greg, Jack, Devon, Tyler... all out? My MC's name is Jaqueline... that's out too? That's STUPID.
Fantasy names/words with a lack of vowels.
Yeah, you can't pronounce that crap, even in your inside-the-head voice.
Fantasy names with too many vowels.
What are you, the vowel police? Though I agree, sometimes it CAN get ridiculous.
Names that are too suggestive of a character’s personality, i.e. someone named Cipher is an enigma.
Every once in a while it's fine, but done for more than a couple of characters in an extensive line of characters is stupid.
Person sacrifices life to save others, but is resurrected later.
YEAH. I HATE WHEN DEAD PEOPLE COME BACK. HATE IT ENOUGH FOR ALL CAPS. Although sometimes in very rare cases it's done really well... but it's RARE.
Evil villain is physically scarred in some way.
I wouldn't wipe this straight out. You don't want any main character to be completely perfect, even physically.
Evil villain must always kill at least one henchman no matter how loyal he is.
Yeah, that's beating the reader over the head with the "I'm evil stick"
Slightest infraction/failure is punished by death.
Yeah, it's not like they have an unlimited amount of people who also like being evil and other stuff.
Big dark castle/tower/fortress/keep, usually impenetrable except for the secret passage only the hero’s guide knows about.
Yeah, too convenient. Find a way for your character to legitimately accomplish something.
Dark minions are idiots.
Parents of hero are dead. (Or, in the Disney variation: mother is dead, father is loveable buffoon.)
Orphaned MCs are the BIGGEST cliche in the books. Well done, you found a very good one... bonus points for finding out one or both is still alive. Extra bonus points if they're evil. Extra extra bonus points if they're the king and queen of some shit.
Fight breaks out in a bar.
Well bars tend to be violent places... full of drunk people as they are...
Innocent people rescued from nasty death/fate worse than death just in the nick of time.
Adds to suspense. I don't really see the problem with that...
Secret passages are never booby-trapped.
Yeah, that's annoying. Bonus points if the exit/entrance isn't guarded by any means.
Sidekicks/flunkies who are mindlessly loyal/devoted.
Well sometimes that happens, especially if they idolize the hero. Done very well in LotR with Samwise. Sometimes can be powerful and useful plot devices. A lot of times, though, they are done horridly.
Deformed man with a heart of gold/Handsome villain with a heart of darkest evil.
Only cliche if they're in the same story.
Fantasy societies based off of the Celts or Norsemen.
Fantasy empires based off the Romans.
Warrior cultures based off of the Samurai or Spartans.
Okay I'm grouping these three together because it's the same rant for every one. What the hell ELSE are you going to base it off of? These are the STRONGEST examples we have to give us modern day insight. The dun it, and they dun it GOOD. Seems to me this person is pissed off when a writer does something historically unheard of, but then gets pissed off when it's historically accurate! They are beating us with the "HAHA you can't write on anything and I'm so much more intelligenter than YOUUUUU" stick. Please no one tell anyone I used intelligenter...
Elves, orcs, dwarves, trolls, dragons, unicorns and any other race that has appeared in Dungeons and Dragons.
In translation: "F*CK YOU, you don't get to write classic/traditional fantasy anymore... SUCKERS!"
Amazons/stoic women warriors.
I'm agreeing ONLY on the grounds that no one ever does it well.
Large-breasted Amazons in tiny brassiers who have no trouble keeping their clothes on, let alone their balance.
Yeah, wouldn't the people interested in the large breasts be happier about a clothing malfunction anyways?
Artifacts of power.
The frick. SERIOUSLY? Just take all that shit away, then, never allowed to use something of power... in a FANTASY novel... for frick's sake...
Pseudo-medieval societies with 1990s liberal sensibilities about things like womens’ rights and homosexuality.
See, but before they said women shouldn't have to dress up like men to go and adventure. Get your stuff straight.
Hero’s culture has no brothels, no bars and everyone smokes a pipe but nothing stronger.
Here's a kicker, at the end of this list, "brothels" are listed. Again, get your stuff straight. Though I agree that the perfect society image is a little stupid.
Black magic vs. White magic.
In my brain I can see how this could turn into a very cool thing, but AGAIN, not the way most people do it. Unless there was a very specific reason and good background as to why these two magics are at war, leave it be. And the black/white thing is old too.
Magic systems that follow laws too much like modern physics.
Actually, I find that most appealing and relateable and realistic.
Magic systems that follow no discernable rules at all.
Agreed. Give it some limits or otherwise it's no fun.
Magic systems that change when its plot-convenient.
Unless there's a good reason, agreed. A legitimately good reason.
Virgin sacrifices.
... again, this is historically and culturally accurate.
Human/animal psychic bonds, especially with dogs/wolves/cats/horses/dragons/etc.
Yes.
Characters speaking in 1990s flavored English.
... well, you all know my take on that.
Churches based on the medieval Catholic Church but that have a history totally unlike the Catholic Church.
Just because something is based on one thing, doesn't mean it has to match it perfectly. ESPECIALLY if it goes by a different name. This is called fiction...
Matriarchal religions/societies are good while patriarchal ones are bad. (Ditto for polytheism vs. monotheism.)
What.
Everybody in the world worships the same god/pantheon of gods.
A couple of points. If the gods are actual existing beings in the stories (even potential characters) this kind of thing would make sense. Also if religion is not a large part of your story, don't worry about it. No use cramming all of the details into the readers' brains if they're going to be useless to the story. A major rule of writing is to make every sentence progress the story further.
Noble savages/barbarians/etc.
What.
Everybody in the world speaks the same language.
Kind of legitimate but not a HUGE point. Adds some world development if you can fit it in nicely. But don't conveniently have one character ALWAYS around that knows how to fluently speak every freaking single one of them...
City dwellers are automatically corrupt and weak.
I've never seen this stereotype.
Female warriors wholl only surrender to a man if he defeats them in battle.
Yeah I hate that.
Cities in the middle of the desert with no water or food supply that somehow survive.
Never seen this in a story to the point of being problematic before... you don't need to know every detail about a city. If they're in the middle of the desert, maybe they found a way.
Women as prizes/booty for barbarian (or even civilized) heroes.
AGAIN. HISTORY. HISTORY YOU -IDIOT-. History was a thing. That happened. In real life.
Societies where no one seems to do anything but adventure.
haha never seen this in actual published prose.
True feudal societies where the king holds absolute power.
HISTORY! FOR THE GOOD OF EVERYTHING IT'S CALLED HISTOR*Cue head exploding over all of everything in the room*
Shops called Adventurers’ Supply or the like.
HAH! Who did that?! No way that's actually a thing.
Village taverns, especially those populated with saucy tavern wenches.
... But they... were... actual... I give up.
Worlds that read as though they were created by a really bad Dungeon Master.
I don't know what that means but I bet they aren't published anyways.
50-pound broadswords.
Well 50lbs isn't that bad, I can carry 50lbs pretty easily. However, I know what you MEANT, and I agree. Things like the Final Fantasy broadsword bigger than the character are ridiculous and annoying and not badass at all, stop trying.
Swords that shoot lightning, glow, etc.
Eh. Kinda on a "don't care" basis here.
Fur loincloths and chainmail bikinis in winter.
HAH.
Worlds where morals are strictly black and white.
Yeah, give us some depth, seriously.
Societies where the morals are exactly the same as ours.
Gives us something to relate to, I guess. Also, how can morals be exactly the same as ours? We as a group don't share morals... that's why we have governments....
Slavery.
DA FUCK?!
Boy slaves get released after 5-7 years of service; girl slaves do not.
... his... history... *cue sobbing onto keyboard*
Worlds where the nobility are all corrupt and/or perverted.
Yeah, you know what, F*CK HISTORY. We don't need that shit anyways.
Prostitutes/brothels.
Again.
So lots of swearing and beating-things-with-sticks (stupid drummers...) but that's the gist of my rant on stupid people who think everything has to be super new and cutting-edge. Whoever wrote this was awful and uneducated and I can't believe someone actually applied it to my beloved story.
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