I think you'll find that a lot of full-time, life artists are the oddest group of people you will ever find. You'll find the odd one that's "normal" (and by that I mean pretty much socially acceptable/good family connections/healthy friendships/steady work) but for the most part I think we're a bit crazy.
As a full-time freelancer, I have the unique privilege of having a lot of thinking time. A lot of thinking time. And as an artist, I fully utilize it. Yesterday I went to a park and sat there with a book of blank paper and a pen and was doing some reflection and brainstorming for my pieces. And then I started observing people, casually, in my few breaks from thinking hard.
I've come to realize that there's a wall between me and normal interaction. When I talk to people, I tend to stare them down intently. Partly because I'm deaf in one ear, and thus rely on facial expressions and lips, and partly because I string everything a person says together into a very in-depth chronological story. I listen to everything someone says to me, and usually end up analyzing it way beyond what it was meant to be. As an active listener, I learn more about speech patterns and the way people's mind works.
This also convinces people that I am a very attentive friend and a good listener.
Yes and no. Mostly what I'm doing is learning. I'm analyzing and piecing things together. I'm also determining whether or not the conversation can at any moment go hostile so I can book it out of there at a million miles a second. I'm a good listener in that I do listen to every single word said, but not in that I'm listening and sympathizing.
People find out quickly that I have a hard time not crossing the line of being supportive/helping to find solutions and right out contradicting their actions. It's not because I mean them harm, it's because I'm very analytical... also I have no freaking clue where that line is. I've tried to find it multiple times, it's hiding from me.
Now, also, I find I get bored with conversation very quickly. 99% of people are passive listeners. Which is probably a good thing. They listen and wait patiently for the story to unfold and take time afterward to think.
Active listeners are having their brain wheels turning faster than the speaker can talk. When someone tells me a story, I've figured out a couple possible directions it goes in and by the time they've said what they were going to say, I've known the ending for ages. And then I get bored and anxious and a little bit annoyed as the story drags on.
Makes me a bit of a bad friend, I reckon.
I also hate when people take 10 minutes to explain every little obvious thing in their brain when their feelings could be expressed in 30 seconds. Makes me very antsy, which people pick up on.
Like I said, there's a bit of a wall there.
So yesterday when I was observing people walking around and talking, I thought about the differences in how they were acting and how I was acting and have come to the conclusion that because language has been severely damaged in my life (my "silent years," being abused into non-communication) and has thus come out as a means of making a living (writing), I made my brain into what it is. And I wouldn't change it.
It gives me better insight, and I think I learn more in silent staring than people do in elaborate discussion. So that's that.
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