Sharing.

Okay, so we're obligated to share because since we've been children we've been taught the notion that sharing is caring and if we don't share when someone looks like they genuinely want something we have a deep sense of guilt that begins clawing its way up from our gut.

It's why we're terrified to take gum out of our pockets in public.

And you can't exactly just be like "bitch it's MINE!" because apparently it's socially unacceptable...

I'm poor. I hate sharing any bit of my food or non-water drink because I can't afford more, but I can't say no, because that's mean. I also hate sharing my computer. It's not like I have anything to hide, I just don't like people using it. I hate people playing my drum kit, even though half the people who want to jam with it have been playing drums just as long/longer than me and went through the same music program. 

So I've developed a few techniques to side-stepping the obligatory granting of some piece of your amazing whatever-it-is to someone who CLEARLY does not deserve it.

1. Make it sound completely unappealing. Example. My friend just looked at my iced tea with longing and asked what I was drinking. Because I'm poor, I water down my iced tea a bit. It doesn't taste awful, it's just not super sweet. So I said "it's super watered-down iced tea." His interest died.

2. Exaggerate any problem it has. My computer's keyboard screws up sometimes. So when people ask to use my computer, I say "the keyboard doesn't work, it's really annoying to deal with. You might want to find one that's not broken."

3. Say you've got some sort of germs that will somehow infect the other person: "I have a cold." "I have herpes." Something casual but gross. Bet you never thought you'd see herpes on my blog, eh?

4. Sneeze on it. The more spray the better. Enough said. Wait for them to say "nevermind."

5. Lick it. It's more humorous than saying no, though still as rude, but the person will be so amused that they will overlook your rude denial of their entitlement and laugh it off.

The last two are a bit gross. I haven't put the sneezing one into action yet because I'm too scared of the germs that would result, but I am determined to one day try it. The licking one is the best reaction-wise, the other three just end with the other's quiet disappointment.

EDIT: Made coffee. Friend wants coffee. Can't do any of the above because "I suck at brewing coffee" doesn't work when the person knows you drink coffee every day and everything else is irrelevant.  I can't make it sound unappealing either because I'm drinking it and I'm picky about coffee.

Dammit.